The Gnawer Panel
by Wolf Tears-v1.0
Summary: Let's just say I have finally gone truly insane. Welcome to an all gnawer panel with two human mods, where the sanity of everyone inside a single locked room will be tested to the max and beyond. Watch out for your own. CoC spoilers, rated for safety.
1. Introduction

It was too good an idea to waste. So, welcome to the very first all-gnawer panel! (Unless you count the human moderators.) Here, the breaking points of six gnawers and the sanity of two humans will be tested by a single conversation in a locked room.

But only starting next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Underland Chronicles. I own only my demented ideas and my brain. And my voiced-which, even for not being real, have some pretty darn decent ideas.

.x.o.O.o.x.

So the other day my friend and I were at school, and she told me it would be funny if we put Twirltounge, Pearlpelt, Snare, Ripred, Goldshard, and Twitchtip in a room together and forced them to hold a conversation.

"But how is it funny if we don't know what's going on?" I asked.

She glanced at me with a half-sly, half-fearful glance, and I groaned. "Who the heck are we going to get to go in _there_?"

We ran through a list, asking everyone at school we could, but everyone we asked grabbed at their sanity and held on tight.

"What!? You're crazy!"

True.

"Um… who're they?"

We explained TUC, and the person scuttled away fearfully.

"Right. Yeah. I'm really going to willingly put myself in a room with a bunch of six-foot rats who want to rip one another's guts out."

I tried to explain that only some of the rats were on such bloody terms, but that particular vict-er,_ person_ had already gone to their next class.

So, out of students to ask, I relinquished the ounce-

--that same friend shouts from the audience, "Drop. Millimeter. Not even that!"--

-Fine. Out of students to ask, I relinquished the millimeter or less of sanity that I had left and volunteered to be the moderator.

Of course, on the way to the Underland, I grabbed Gregor. I'm not going in there without backup, folks! I still hold a tiny piece of sanity…

(I think…)

Anyway. Stay tuned for the tortu-I mean, _fun_, and feel free to tell me question you want answered. As the moderator, I have the power to steer the conversation.

Or at least I should. But when things get rough with all the gnawers—I'm either leaving, hiding behind Gregor, or hitting the sugar.

I warned you.


	2. Meeting the Crew

Review replies!

Thanks, AIA- I plan to make it interesting. :D (And insane.)

And US, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. I update slow. XP

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since the last chapter

.x.o.O.o.x.

-coughing from the next room-

-silence-

Voice: WT, get on with it!

Wolf Tears: -in a barely detectable central Texas accent- Oh, fine. If I'd known you were this bossy, I'd have left you in New York, Gregor. Hold on, I'm trying to collect my sanity. I'll need it.

Gregor: What sanity?

Wolf Tears: Shut up! Alright, I'm ready.

-a tall 12-year-old girl with long, dirty-blonde hair steps into the empty room and checks the camera in the top right corner-

Wolf Tears: Okay, it's working. Now! Welcome, everyone, to the very first all-gnawer panel!

-a 13-year-old boy with short brown hair and brown eyes steps into the room-

Gregor: How is it all-gnawer if we're here?

Wolf Tears: -thinks- We're the moderators. That doesn't count. Everyone on the panel proper is a rat.

Gregor: I'm not sure. I don't think Twirltounge is worthy of being called a rat.

WT: -in a choked, angry voice- Just don't get me started on her, okay? It's gonna be hard enough to be in a room with her without reminders of how much I hate her.

Gregor: -steps back with hands up- Fine by me.

WT: Good. -sigh- Okay, back to the audience! –bright wave- So, like I said, this is an all-gnawer panel that you are our only witnesses to. If anyone is killed, we're counting on you to make sure everyone knows what happened.

Gregor: -uneasy laugh- She's just joking. No danger, guys.

WT: Actually, I'm not. Anyway. I'm Wolf Tears, also known as WT or Tears, and this is Gregor, also known as the Warrior, and we will be your moderators for today.

Gregor: Your _insane_ moderators. Why did I agree to do this again?

WT: Because now you're back in the Underland and if-ah, _when_ we make it out alive you can go see Luxa. (-Gregor blushes- -WT turns back to audience-) If you have any questions, I'm using my laptop and putting this up as a story online. Here's the URL. (-WT repeats this URL three times-) Review the story with any questions you have. If you don't, I'll come up with some random questions of my own.

Gregor: -groan- Review, people. Please!

WT: And now, without further ado, the gnawers! First up is Snare, unworthy, evil, and cru-

-Snare walks in and eyes WT angrily, and Gregor steps in hurriedly-

Gregor: Snare, father of Pearlpelt and welcome guest.

-Snare, mollified, goes to his place-

WT: -sigh- Sorry. Thanks, Gregor. Next up is Goldshard, the beautiful and amazing mother of Pearlpelt, who died defending him and has been brought back to life by moi in honor of her deeds.

-a golden female rat pads in shyly, smiling and shaking her head at the speech. She takes her place next to Snare-

WT: And now, of course, Pearlpelt, son of Goldshard and Snare, charge of Razor and Ripred, and the Bane.

-Gregor twitches, and WT eyes him sternly until he stills-

-a huge white rat happily bounces in, then catches sight of Snare-

Pearlpelt: No! NOT YOU! –wails in fear as Snare grins coldly- Maa-ma! –trembles-

Goldshard: Snare! –hurries over to Pearlpelt and licks his nose comfortingly- It's okay, baby. It's okay, he won't hurt you.

Pearlpelt: -stops shaking- Mama! –bounces happily, shaking the stone room-

Goldshard: Yes, dear. Now come with me. –leads Pearlpelt to his spot on her left-

Pearlpelt: Mama. –sighs and closes eye; is promptly asleep-

WT: -watches fondly-

Gregor: Okay… Far cry from the huge monster I fought… Oh well. Next is everyone's favorite raging gnawer, Ripred.

-a huge male rat saunters in, the X-shaped scar on his face clearly visible. WT squeals in delight, and Greor has to hold her back. When he lets go, she sinks into a deep bow, which Ripred eyes warily before turning to Gregor.

Ripred: Is she okay?

Gregor, Snare, and Goldshard: No.

Pearlpelt: Zzzz-what?! -wakes- No? No what? No… cheese? –horrified gasp- NO!

WT: -rises- Down boy. The cheese is fine. –pulls cheddar from pocket-

Ripred: How long has that been in your pocket?

WT: Oh, only as long as the (-throws cheese to Pearlpelt, you munches happily-) bag of shrimp in cream sauce. That is to say… fifteen minutes?

Ripred: Shrimp? In cream sauce?

WT: Oh, yes. Maybe I'll give it to you later. Next rat!

Ripred: -unintelligible grumbling-

Gregor: Riiiiight. Next up, Twirltounge (-grabs WT as she pulls out a sword and tries to lunge at the silvery rat who calmly walks in, examining everyone-), attempted-but-failed Queen of the Gnawers, and the one who is responsible for the Bane's insanity.

Twirltounge. Now, now, it's not really that bad. You're exaggerating a great deal.

Gregor: It isn't? I mean-I am?

Twirltoung: Yes, dear, you are. Now, Wolf Tears, put that sword away and calm down. It wouldn't do to kill a member of your own panel, would it?

WT: I guess not… -puts sword away and relaxes-

Gregor: -warily lets go of WT-

Pearlpelt: Twirltounge! You-you- (-sputters-) Why, I oughtta-

Twirltounge: Rip my head off? Tried that, darling.

Pearlpelt: Oh. –sad glance- But…

Goldshard: It's okay, dearest. –glares at Twirltounge, who glares back–

Gregor: Twirltounge, your spot. –Twirltounge sits next to Snare- Finally, we have Twitchtip, scent seer extraordinaire, and- and- -falls speechless- And I can't think of any words that do her justice.

-gray female rat steps inside and blushes-

Twitchtip: You're far too kind.

WT: No he's not. You're absolutely amazing. –runs over and gives Twitchtip a huge hug, then lets go, curtsies, and sinks to the ground in a bow- You are the most amazing gnawer to ever live. I am not worthy of your presence.

Ripred: Hey! I thought I was the most- oh, never mind. –grumbles-

Twitchtip: I-uh…

WT: Good Twitchtip, I am at your command.

Twitchtip: -confused- Okay, why don't you just… Go moderate the panel like you're supposed to…

Ripred: -snickers-

Snare: -growls; his eyes aren't on WT and Twitchtip, but on Gregor- What are you cackling for? We're locked in!

-all eyes turn to Gregor, who swallows the key he used to lock the stone door while WT was hugging Twitchtip-

Pearlpelt: Locked? No! NONONONONONONONONO-

WT: Quiet now, Pearlpelt dear. I'll look after you.

Pearlpelt: NONON- Oh? Okay. -goes back to sleep-

Ripred: Look after us? I bet you're the one who had the door shut!

-Ripred and Snare advance on WT and Gregor, who are frantic-

Twirltounge: This should be interesting.


	3. These Are a Few of Our Favorite Foods

Review replies, as always.

**Dem**: Thank ya. And don't worry- tail bows are in the immediate future…

**US**: I know! Meanie Gregor…

**DCW**: Thanks. D I'd let you be a moderator, but I think you might get killed… I don't see you getting along well with Snare. And as for T- T- that one silver rat… I don't like her either. -stabs Twirltounge, then runs before Gregor can come and lecture-

**Coocoo**: Hehe, thanks. I'll try my best. :)

**AIA**: Thanks. D It's completely random and plotless, but hey- that's what makes it fun, right?

**Coocoo**: (review for this chapter) Thanks for pointing that out, I went through and found a few of those. And the long strips are supposed to be annoying. That's the whole point. XD

Disclaimer: I do own TUC! See, it's right there on my shelf! I… just… don't own the rights to it.

.x.o.O.o.x. 

Twitchtip: STOP!

WT: I-uh-what she said!

Gregor: -pulls out sword- That was the only key, and besides, if Tears and I die, who's going to open the door?

Ripred: -halts- We are, you idiots!

WT: Ah, but you need hands to turn a key. Do rats have hands? No.

Pearlpelt: -jolts awake, eyes wide- You need _hands_? To turn a _key_? Since when?

Gregor: -eyeroll- Since… um, always?

Snare: I don't care. I'll kill you and kill everyone else here too if I have to!

Goldshard: Snare, honestly! Twirltounge, would you…

Twirltounge: -sigh- Anything to avoid getting blood on my coat. -crosses the room to stand in front of WT and Gregor- Snare, we need the humans to open the door. If they don't open it, we'll all eventually starve.

Snare: Not if I ea-

Twirltounge: Two humans and five rats won't last you forever.

Snare: Oh. You have a point there. -sits-

Twirltounge: Better.

Gregor: -sees WT drawing her sword and staring at Twirltounge- WOLF TEARS! Put that sword down this instant!

WT: -jumps with a scream- What sword? I don't have a sword! -glances down- Oh, that sword? I was just- um- going to sharpen it!

Ripred: Yes, sharpen it- on Twirltounge's _bones_!

-a long pause ensues, during which Twirltounge, Ripred, Twitchtip, Goldshard, Snare, and Gregor all glare at WT. Pearlpelt spins in circles, trying to find any remnants of the cheese he finished-

Goldshard: Actually… um… that's not a half-bad idea.

Twirltounge: No! Did you not _hear_ me? Blood clashes with my coat. Red and silver just don't work!

WT: Oh well. I never had any fashion sense anyway. -lunges forward at Twirltounge-

Ripred: WOLF TEARS!

WT: -breaks off and turns away from Twirltounge- Oh, what now? -realizes it was Ripred who yelled- Or- um- actually- what now, your most excellent King of the Rats, sir?

Ripred: You put your sword away and calm down. -WT nods and sheathes her sword; Ripred grins- I could get used to this.

Pearlpelt: Hold on, hold on. King? Ripred's king? No! That can't happen! I SHOULD BE KING! Me! Ask Twirltounge! She says so! I'm king! Me! NOT HIM!

Ripred: -snorts- A lot's been happening since you died, Pearliegirlie. Get over it.

Pearlpelt: But I'm not dead. I'm not! I'm alive! See? Flesh, bone, white fur! I'm alive and I'm the Bane. THAT MAKES ME KING!

Twirltounge: -skulking in a corner- Of course it does, dearest. You tell them.

Ripred: No, Twirly, why don't _you_ tell us why Pearlpet over here should be king?

Pearlpelt: BECAUSE I SHOULD!

Twirltounge: Because he-

Goldshard: Wait a moment, Twirltounge! Everyone stop this right now! No names and **no** telling him anything he doesn't want to hear. Be nice to my Pearl. He's insane.

Pearlpelt: Yeah! I- wait- hey! Mama!

Goldshard and WT: Hush, dear. It's okay.

WT: She didn't really mean it, sweety, she was just getting Twirltounge and Ripred to stop.

Goldshard (simultaneously): I didn't really mean it, dearest, I was just getting Twirltounge and Ripred to stop.

Pearlpelt: Oh. I suppose that's alright, then. -curls up across the room from Twirltounge, peering at everyone with one eye-

WT: Yes, it is. Don't worry, Pearlpelt, You mother and I will take care of things. -WT and Goldshard share a look of understanding- And now that that's settled, I am invoking my powers as moderator of this whole insane affair-

Ripred: -groan- Great. Who gave her _authority_?

WT: -glare- I am hereby ordering you all to go back to your spots so that we can start a_somewhat_ sane discussion! I intended for this to be a panel conversation, and a panel it shall be!

Twitchtip: -snort- Fat chance of that.

WT: -hushed voice to Twitchtip- Actually you're probably right, but not for lack of trying.

-one by one the rats line up, while Gregor and WT stand at the front of the room-

WT: Now. Generally, in this sort of panel, several people- ah, rats- answer questions asked by the mods. So, I'm going to ask some questions, which you will answer if you ever want to get out of this room. Savvy?

Gregor: -holds head in hands- I can _not_ believe I got myself into this. Tears, can I leave?

WT: -kicks Gregor- No. Now shut up. -turns to the rats- Alright. We'll start with something simple. What is your favorite food?

Ripred: Shrimp in cream sauce. Nothing like that in the rat's lands, you know. For that matter, there's not much of anything at all there but fish, crawlers, twisters, and a few smaller mammals. You humans have _no_ idea how sick we get of fish.

Twitchtip: Speak for yourself! Give me a good fat fish any day over some human thing reeking of burnt bits and flier.

Goldshard: You're a scent seer. The rest don't have to put up with overpowering scents- I have to agree with Ripred on the human food issue. But for me- beef stew. No green stuff, just beef, a good rich broth, and some potato chunks- that's the best thing humans have come up with to date.

Snare: Human food? You guys are _idiots_.

Ripred: -glare- What do _you_ eat, then? Sewer water?

Snare: Err. Depends… but… definitely _not_ rats. No way, never. Cannibalism is… disgusting… -cough-

Twitchtip: -raises an eyebrow- You lie worse than me. And that's seriously saying something.

WT: Eew! You're a _cannibal_? -takes three steps away from Snare- That's… like… ugh! I don't even know what that is! _Gross_! And I mean, _**nasty**_!

Pearlpelt: Isn't a cannibal that thing that Overlanders use to get into their soup?

Twirltounge: -leans over and whispers something in Pearlpelt's ear-

Pearlpelt: WHAT?! EEW! -hops up and begins running in circles around the other rats- That is SO gross! Eew! Nasty! Grossgrossgrossgrossgrossgross_gross_!

-WT and Pearlpelt spend the next ten minutes running around in circles and bumping into each other and everyone else, screaming various things like "eew!" and "DISGUSTING!" at the top of their lungs-

Goldshard: PEARLPELT! Settle down, right now!

Pearlpelt: That's SO_ GRO_- oh. Sorry, Mama. -pads over to spot and sits down-

WT: THAT'SSODISGUSTINGANDCRUELICAN'TBELIEVEYOUSNAREYOU'REEVENWORSETHANTWIRLTOUNGE-

Twirltounge: Hey! I heard that!

WT: ANDTHAT'SNOTEVENPOSSIBLEANDTHATMEANSYOU'REIMPOSSIBLYHORRIBLEANDIMPOSSIBLETHINGS CAN'THAPPENSOTHATMEANSYOU'RESODISGUSTINGYOUCAN'TEXISTBUTYOUDOEXISTANDTHAT'SSOGROSS THATICAN'TEVENWRAPMYMINDAROUNDITANDIWRAPMYMINDAROUNDSOMEPRETTYWEIRDTHINGS! -stops for a breath, panting hard, then starts up again-

Snare: -giggles- This is funny.

Goldshard: Snare! This is your fault! And cannibalism _is_ disgusting, so there!

Snare: -yawn- Whatever.

Pearlpelt: I want more cheese.

WT: SNAREYOU'RESOEVILEANDVILEAND -cuts off to throw Pearlpelt a piece of cheese before resuming-

Pearlepelt: -munches-

Ripred: -mutters something about wanting his shrimp-

Gregor: WT! Shut up!

WT: -ignores-

Twirltounge: Wolf Tears, dearest, you're ruini-

WT: -glares, then continues screaming-

Ripred: Wolf Tears, shut the heck up!

WT: -falters briefly, then continues shouting-

Twitchtip: Amateurs. -walks forward- Wolf Tears, would you please stop screaming so we can continue our conversation?

WT: -immediately shuts up and falls flat on face in front of Twitchtip- Your wish if my command, good Twitchtip.

-everyone sighs in relief, except for Snare, who looks disappointed-

Twitchtip: Thank you, Tears.

WT: -stands- Serving your wishes is thanks enough, Twitchtip. Now, let's continue. Were were we… oh, yes, Favorite foods. How about you, Pearlpelt?

Pearlpelt: I like cheese. It's… cheesey.

WT: -grin- I like cheese, too. Best thing on this earth- or under it, for that matter. And now, T- T- T-

Gregor: -sigh- Twirltounge, how about you?

Twirltounge: -shrug- Dunno. It varies from day to da-

WT: Okay! That's that question done with!

-Twirltounge and Gregor glare; everyone else stifles laughter-

Gregor: WT, be fair.

WT: No. Too bad. Now, question one is over! Please, readers, feel free to review and ask questions of your own.

Pearlpelt: -ears prick- What's review? That sounds like fun!

WT: It is, Pearlpelt.

Gregor And it's what the people who read this commentary will do- right? -glances pleadingly at readers- Don't leave me alone with this crowd. Please!

WT: -kicks Gregor-


	4. RATRFGAL

**Dem**: -giggles- Poor Gregor... He just can't win, can he?

**Demigod**: W00t! Someone who isn't staring at me, attacking me, or whacking me over the head with something! -laughs- I'll see about using that... That could get interesting.

**Ripper**: -cough- What do you mean? I updated a long time ago... -shifty eyes-

* * *

OMR. It's an UPDATE! Praise Ripred, I actually updated something! -dies from shock-

Anyways... enjoy the plotless insanity, and I swear I'll update this soon, because I have a couple ideas that are going to be waaaay fun... -evil grin-

* * *

WT: -stands up- Okay. Now hopefully everyone is rested up after the last questi-

Gregor: Tears.

WT: -sigh- Oh, what now?

Gregor: Um…

WT: -stares-

-Pearlpelt and Snare are engaged in a staring contest; the other gnawers are trying various forms of persuasion, attempting to get one or the other to blink-

WT: This is… odd…

Twitchtip: -loses interest- Good grief. -wanders off-

Twirltounge: -is also losing interest; blows air into Snare's eyes-

Snare: -blinks- Arg! What was that all about?

Pearlpelt: I won! I won!

WT: -jumps up- Twi- Twi-

Gregor: Twirltounge.

WT: -nods to Gregor- Yeah, her. No cheating!

Pearlpelt: Wait. I… didn't win? –sobs- But…

WT: -sigh- Okay, okay. Pearlpelt, you won. Tw- ah- uh- Silver, no cheating next time, but… -sigh- I guess it can slide this time.

Twirltounge: -smug smirk-

Pearlpelt: -foolish grin- Yay winning! Can I have my prize now?

WT: -pulls out yet more cheese; Ripred eyes pants pockets, sniffing as though to detect a certain food- Good job, Pearlpelt!

Gregor: -practically screaming- Everybody! This isn't what we're here for!

-with muffled sighs, the rats line up: Twitchtip, Ripred, Twirltounge, Snare, Goldshard, Pearlpelt-

WT: Sorry, Gregor. Now, time for a more interesting question…

All but WT: -groan-

WT: I will ask each of you what you think of a particular gnawer.

Gregor: -eyes WT- What is this, therapy?

WT: Ah… no… and I didn't get the idea from a therapy session, either, because I've never been to one, needed one, joined in on one, _or_ crashed one! So there! –hurriedly moves on- Any volunteers to go first?

-dead silence-

-not even crickets-

Twitchtip: Fine… I'll go.

WT: -bows to Twitchtip- I apologize for any squirming or discomfort that this question arises.

Twitchtip: -nervously twitches whiskers- Okay…

WT: What are your true thoughts about… Ripred?

Twitchtip: -squirms and seems to be in extreme discomfort- Ah… I have to answer this, don't I?

WT: Yes. Again, I'm sorry… Good Twitchtip, I had to ask…

Twitchtip: -stares at WT- If you really think that highly of me, could you not torture me?

WT: -stares- Um... no.

Twitchtip: Er... Um… Well... I think he's… nice?

Ripred: -edges slightly away- Er… thanks…

Pearlpelt: Hey! Ripred's not nic-oh, wait… -grins- HA! She likes him

Goldshard: -smacks Pearlpelt lightly on the should with her tail- Shush, dearest.

WT: -ignores interruption- Go on.

Twitchtip: And… uh… I'm grateful to him, I guess… for letting me stay and whatnot… and I missed him when I was dead… -glares at Pearlepelt- 'Cause he's a really good friend of mine!

WT: -grins, seemingly in dreamland-

Gregor: -waves hand in front of Tears' face; no response is given- Okay… I'll take over while she's out of it, I suppose… Pearlpelt, what do you think of Snare?

WT: -bolts upright, screaming- NO! Wrong question, you idiot!

Pearlpelt: -is happily staring into space, having taken up the position when WT left off-

WT: -whacks Gregor upside the head- Hmph. Amateur. –turns to Ripred- King Ripred?

Ripred: -eyes widen; anticipates question and begins to back away- Yes?

WT: what are you thoughts on Twitchtip?

Ripred: -impulsively- She's really amazing. –eyes go even wider- Because she's a scent seer… and… all… yeah. And… she's really nice… and kinda pretty, too- I MEAN!

WT: -dances- Ha! I knew it! –runs about the room, hugging everybody, even Twirltounge and Snare; sings- R-A-T-R-F-G-A-L! R-A-T-R-F-G-A-L!

Gregor, Twirltounge, Snare, and Goldshard: -eye WT- _What_?

WT: -huge grin- Ripred-and-Twitchtip-romance; fluffy-gnawer-angst-love! R, A, T, R, F, G, A, L! RATRFGAL! See?

Ripred and Twitchtip: Ah… um… -exchange glances and begin to back away-

WT: -whirls, no longer singing; screams- NO! Don't run! Admit it! You two most amazing gnawer ever to have lived, admit to each other the depths of your love!

Ripred: Who said I-

Twithctip: have love?

WT: -smug- See? You're finishing each other's sentences. That finishes it. –screams again- Admit your undying love, NOW!

All: -back away from WT-

WT: Fine… oh well, we'll see what happens in a question or two. Next up: Snare, what do you actually think of Goldshard?

Snare: -yawns- She's weak, idiotic, and overall worthless.

Goldshard: -rolls eyes- Gee, thanks.

Snare: -shrug- I'm supposed to tell the truth, right? Here, look. You're pretty. Happy?

Goldshard: -glares- No.

Snare: -rolls eyes again- Yeesh! I complement you and this is what I get. What do you want?!

Goldshard: Well, I'd have been happier if you didn't kill all my pups!

Snare; Ah... right... -steps back- Hey, I left Pearlpelt alive!

Goldshard: -fumes- Only so you could make him your slave!

Pearlpelt: -is staring into space, apparently daydreaming about cheese-

WT: -rolls eyes- Okay, you two... -glances over shoulder- Twitchtip, Ripred, any progress?

-distinct silence-

WT: Oh, fine. You'll come around. Pearlpelt!

Pearlpelt: -quits staring into space- IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

WT: -soothing- No, no, it's not, I know that.

Pearlpelt: Really, I didn't- Oh. You know? Really? You- you- you trust me? -eyes water with overjoyed tears; runs to Tears and glomps her- I LOVE YOU!

Gregor: -edges away- There are several interpretations for that statement, and none of them are good...

-everyone, with the exceptions of WT and Pearlpelt, shoot Gregor a disgusted look; he shrugs-

WT: -chokes and disentangles herself from Pearlpelt's limbs- Yes, dear. Now calm down...

Pearleplt: -settles down- Okay.

WT: I just have to ask you... what you think of... Snare.

Gregor: But I asked that earlier!

WT: Right question, wrong time. Now shut up and listen to Pearlpelt!

Pearlpelt: S- S... Snare? -eyes grow wide- Noooooo! Mama! Help- he's- he's a meanie!

Ripred: -disgust- Great, Tears. Now you've done it.

WT: -shrug- Oh well. At least it won't be boring. And you have no room to talk- I don't hear progress being made!

Ripred: -coughing fit-

Pearlpelt: -flees to a corner and crumples into a heap, shivering- Don't make me go to him! Don't make me see him... Please, don't let him come... -sobs-

WT: -melts and runs over to hug Pearlpelt- Oh, it's okay, don't worry, he won't hurt you here...

Pearleplt: -shrieks and scrambles away from WT- NO! Don't touch me! Go away... stop hurting me!

WT: -confused and hurt- But... I'm trying to help... I'm not Snare- I think... -glances down at self- Nope, still a human...

Pearlpelt: SNARE! -wails-

Ripred, Twitchtip, and Twirltounge: -wince in pain at high pitch-

Twirltounge: Can't you shut that brat up?!

Pearlpelt: -turns to Twirltounge with despairing eyes- B-b-but I thought- Twirltounge, you- I thought you _cared_!

Twirltounge: -opens mouth-

WT, Gregor, and Goldshard: -warning glare-

WT: Silver, you laugh and I'll cut your tounge out.

Twirltounge: -laughs-

WT: Alright, that's it! -draws sword and, ignoring Pearlpelt's pitiful pleas, storms over to Twirltounge.

--

Guys, this is Gregor... I just figured out how to hack Tears' computer, which is why I'm writing this. I'd delete everything if I could, but since this might be the only record of my death, well...

Anyways, I've gotten rid of this portion of the story because it involved some rather creative insults and some excessive cursing (seriously, I didn't know Tears even _knew_ those words), along with some rather graphic violence that made _my_ stomach spin, and _I_ fought through a bloody freaking _war_. Trust me, you do _not_ want to know what happened here. Besides, I leave all the details and fewer people can read it, and I need as many people as possible knowing what's going on...

Because this is also another opportunity for me to plea for help. Please, if you're reading this... GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

I'll quit messing with my death certificate now... -groan-

--

WT: -lays panting on the floor for a split second before leaping to her feet- TWIRLTOUNGE! You scoundrel, I swear I'll make your death last as long as I can!

Twirltounge: -grins nonchalantly- Hey, you actually said my name!

WT: SHUT UP! -rushes Twirltounge, but is batted away and nearly knocked down again-

Twirltounge: -laughs quietly-

WT: -staggers- I- I will- I'll-

Gregor: You won't do anything. Tears, you're hurting yourself.

Ripred and Snare: Good.

Gregor: -whacks WT's head with the hilt of his sword-

WT: -stares- what was that for?

Ripred: It was supposed to knock you out. -sigh- More's the pity it didn't work...

WT: -shrug- I have a hard head. Anyway- Gregor, how dare you! -puppy dog eyes- I'm working for a good cause here!

Goldshard: And killing yourself in the process-

Snare: -rolls eyes in a bored manner- And this is a bad thing how?

Goldshard: You shut up. Tears, you're no good to us if you kill yourself.

Ripred: -snort- Good? Are you kidding yourself? She's gonna kill us all...

WT: -wide eyes- I would never do such a thing! Well, those two can die... -points at Snare and Twirltounge- but why would I kill anyone else?

All: -stare-

WT: QUIT THAT! -begins running in circles- IT'S CREEPY!

Ripred: And you're not?

WT: -screams and pounds her head into the wall-

Pearlpelt: -watches with interest- Is that a hole in the wall?

WT: Told you I had a hard head...

Ripred: A hole? Where? -runs over- We're getting out of here!

Twitchtip: -inspects the stone- No, it's just a dent...

WT: -runs over and stands in front of the dent- And it's not becoming a hole anytime soon, either. Nobody's getting out of here until I say so!

All: -groan-

WT: You guys keep doing that... -sigh- Oh well... Moving on. Goldshard. Your opinion on... uh... Twirltounge.

Twirltounge: -groan- I thought you'd forgotten about that...

Goldshard: No comment.

WT: -eyes Goldshard- Nothing at all?

Goldshard: -stares-

WT: Come on, Goldshard, if I don't know how you feel, then I'll never be able to help you.

Gregor: Tears, you said this wasn't therapy!

WT: OH WELL!

-silence falls-

WT: Oh, fine then. If you people are going to be that annoyingly unresponsive, then I'll just shut up for now. We'll see how you people like it!

Ripred, Twirltounge, and Snare: -cheer-

WT: -turns to camera- We'll continue in a bit.

Ripred, Twirltounge, and Snare: -groan-

WT: -ignores- In the mean time, please feel free to-

Gregor: Get me out! PLEASE! Review, coordinate a rescue party, get a battering ram, review the story, anything! GET ME AWAY! –screams-

All: -stare-

WT: Hey, it's not me that we're all staring at. What a change! Anyways, see you all next chapter! And hopefully, by then, we'll have paired up two unwilling rats…

Ripred and Twitchtip: -squirm-

Twirltounge: -mutters unintelligibly-


End file.
